Here’s to the Losers
There’s a great Sinatra song titled, “Here’s to the Losers,” though when I hear it in my head it’s the voice of James Darren that’s singing, and if you haven’t heard his rendition, pick up a copy of his 1999 album “This One’s From the Heart.” While you’re at it, watch every episode of “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” in which James Darren played Vic Fontaine, the coolest crooner ever to hit a holosuite. The lyrics, written by Jack Segal & Robert Wells, remind us to remember those who are currently losing the game of love, “Here’s the those who love not wisely, no not wisely, but too well.” Right now, I’m thinking of a couple of friends of mine.
Mine’s the phone that tends to ring when relationship worries rear their many heads. I’ve been with Amanda for fifteen years, of which nine have seen us married. With that kind of a record, friends figure that I might have some advice to give. Honestly, I wonder if my situation is too unusual or that my advice will be too dated to be of use. But when friends are in distress, a guy’s got to try.
I won’t go into who these friends are or details of their situations, but I will say that they’re from different countries and live on different continents, yet I still believe the advice I give to be solid for both. So, here’s what I told them: “opposites attract” is bullshit. The friction generated might add some heat, but it also irritates, especially in the middle and long term. If your looking for the long-term committed, seek out somebody like you. Not somebody just like you --- that’d be gross and possibly illegal --- I mean somebody similar in all the right ways. Are you solution-oriented? Do people who like to talk about their problems piss you off? Then don’t try a relationship with a Woody Allen wannabe. Are you introverted? Does the thought of a party tangle you up inside? Then left the social butterfly float away and find a nice homebody like yourself.
Big personality traits like introvert/extrovert matter, but so do some more minor ones that you might not initially consider, like music. We usually start identifying with types of music as teenagers, and I don’t know about where you went to High School, but at Bristol Central High it was music that defined the sub cultures, from the top-40-listening jocks to the hip-hop crowd to the Metallica-tee-shirted metal heads. This one seems like common sense to me, but I’ve lost count of the friends who’ve ignored musical preference and paid for it. Just imagine Glory the Goth Chick moving in with Dwayne the Country King. Ok, that’s an extreme example, but I did know a guy who was a huge fan of They Might Be Giants, while the girl he decided to live with despised them. That relationship when to hell faster than you can sing “Particle Man.”
Trust your gut. You get a feel for a person after the first date, assuming you actually spoke beyond, “Please pass the popcorn.” No, a movie isn’t a good idea for a first date for that very reason, and clubbing is worse. Why not clubbing? What? What did you say? I --- I can’t hear you through the earth-shaking beats … please submit all questions in writing.
And if you don’t know enough about yourself to know what you’re like and what you want? If that’s the case, you need to be with yourself for a while to find out.
Here’s to the losers, bless them all.
Mine’s the phone that tends to ring when relationship worries rear their many heads. I’ve been with Amanda for fifteen years, of which nine have seen us married. With that kind of a record, friends figure that I might have some advice to give. Honestly, I wonder if my situation is too unusual or that my advice will be too dated to be of use. But when friends are in distress, a guy’s got to try.
I won’t go into who these friends are or details of their situations, but I will say that they’re from different countries and live on different continents, yet I still believe the advice I give to be solid for both. So, here’s what I told them: “opposites attract” is bullshit. The friction generated might add some heat, but it also irritates, especially in the middle and long term. If your looking for the long-term committed, seek out somebody like you. Not somebody just like you --- that’d be gross and possibly illegal --- I mean somebody similar in all the right ways. Are you solution-oriented? Do people who like to talk about their problems piss you off? Then don’t try a relationship with a Woody Allen wannabe. Are you introverted? Does the thought of a party tangle you up inside? Then left the social butterfly float away and find a nice homebody like yourself.
Big personality traits like introvert/extrovert matter, but so do some more minor ones that you might not initially consider, like music. We usually start identifying with types of music as teenagers, and I don’t know about where you went to High School, but at Bristol Central High it was music that defined the sub cultures, from the top-40-listening jocks to the hip-hop crowd to the Metallica-tee-shirted metal heads. This one seems like common sense to me, but I’ve lost count of the friends who’ve ignored musical preference and paid for it. Just imagine Glory the Goth Chick moving in with Dwayne the Country King. Ok, that’s an extreme example, but I did know a guy who was a huge fan of They Might Be Giants, while the girl he decided to live with despised them. That relationship when to hell faster than you can sing “Particle Man.”
Trust your gut. You get a feel for a person after the first date, assuming you actually spoke beyond, “Please pass the popcorn.” No, a movie isn’t a good idea for a first date for that very reason, and clubbing is worse. Why not clubbing? What? What did you say? I --- I can’t hear you through the earth-shaking beats … please submit all questions in writing.
And if you don’t know enough about yourself to know what you’re like and what you want? If that’s the case, you need to be with yourself for a while to find out.
Here’s to the losers, bless them all.
posted by Christopher A. Dellario at 7:07 PM
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